Intangible

This is one of those pictures which I took yesterday. Here Viima looks very haggard. I'm not sure if that's right word. Hurja. Confused. Careless.

This is the last day when I have to read for matriculation exams. I have psychology exam tomorrow and then it's over. Then I'm going to be undergraduate. (ylioppilas? I don't know good words today)

I don't have time to think about those big mysterious questions about life and existence. I don't know anything about gods and deity or divinity. Do I have a need for thinking those questions? Sometimes I think I should think about life more. I have just focused on surviving through these useless and distressed days. I have thought books, reading, writing, exams, school, entrance exams and future. I thought everything about how it will be in future, where I am going and why.

I have dreamt and that's all. 

I have been cruel to myself. I have hated and loved. Everything and nothing, both and everything at the same time. I find it quite hard to get things said in English. Perhaps I can do that in future. 

I have searched new apartments. I want to move somewhere else. I don't want to live in ugly and expensive apartments where I'm not happy.

I am happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
The future is coming on
I am happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long

My future is coming on
Is coming on
Is coming on
Is coming on

Sometimes I'm desperate about future. I think everyone is telling about uncertainty of future, so should I also be scared? 

I got David Hockney's poster from Viima. My spring present was wrapped on it. I don't know if I can say it that way. But I don't care. I'm quite blurred.

The morning was better than for ages. I wake up and here was light and warm. I made some coffee and read psychology. I feel gloat when I read that another students haven't read that much. Hah. Am I bad because I feel so.

David Hockney, have you seen his photos?